I'm really praying for you to make everything change. Maybe I'm trying to get you to compensate for things that you said. Things that you did. Things that I still think about every day.
Maybe I need this from you to prove to myself that things are not what they seem. The way things are right now is just weird to tell people. Everyone wants to know things. I have nothing to tell them.
Maybe all of this energy that I spend on all that's happened and all that I need is draining me. Maybe these thoughts won't stop passing through each day. I'm afraid of that. It's hindering a closeness that I'm trying to achieve. It's like trying to walk but getting your shirt caught on something. You try to keep moving but you can't, and trying to remedy the snag is embarrassing, cumbersome work.
It's hard to say.
But sometimes I feel like you are still a child.
And sometimes I get really mad.
Because your lack of responsibility is astounding.
And I am so very frustrated.
Because I can't trust you and I can't stop thinking about it.
No matter how much I talk about it, it just doesn't get better. And every day it's becoming more and more apparent that I'm being held back by this. We are not growing, we are receding, and I don't know how you can't see it.
It's the things you say that you'll do, that you don't.
It's the things that you waste time on.
It's the things that you said you didn't do, that I know you did.
It's the unanswered questions that I'm left to cope with by myself.
I need you to know that this could quickly turn into the end.
I need you to know that if you asked me again, I'd say no, not now.
I need you to know that you absolutely have to fix this.
Because I sure as hell can't, and I sure can't take this anymore.
